Hi everyone! It's been awhile since I've posted on here and some recent questions from a few friends prompted me to add a quick update.
So..here I am..3 months POST hcg...and...
NO WEIGHT GAIN!!!!!!
As you can imagine, I'm pretty excited by this! I've always said that I would be completely open and honest on here..even if it doesn't look pretty lol. So here goes..
I finished the entire program..including 3 weeks of maintenance on my 35th birthday with a total of 52lbs lost. From that point on, I pretty much went back to life as I had previously known it. I got back to working out 3-5 times per week..and eating "normal". Now..."normal" to me is NOT 6oz of chicken breast and 1/2 cup of fruit and veggies at each meal. I ate good..meaning, salads..watched my carb intake so that it didnt' get out of control..but I still ate McDonalds and Taco Bell on occasion!
What I've learned is that in order to maintain my weight exactly where it is..I either have to watch what I eat and keep my protein higher than normal and my carbs lower than normal OR I have to workout 45-60 mins approx. 4-5 times per week. So basically..if I eat like crap AND don't work out..I will probably gain a few pounds within a week or two. However..the good news is..if I get back 'on the wagon'..it comes back off pretty quickly and goes back to my adjusted weight.
For example, I had a bad 3 days last week..didn't workout..was busy with my job and forgot to eat much during the day..then ate junk i.e. fast food..for dinner. I gained 2lbs! So..on Mon..I went back to the gym..eat cottage cheese and a few protein shakes and before I knew it..I was back to normal.
But, overall..I can honestly say that I've maintained the same exact 'number' for the past 3 months and that has NEVER EVER....EVERRR happened before!
My plan was to start the program again to lose a final 30lbs before Christmas but my schedule got busy and I didn't make an appointment to get into the clinic in time. One of my friends who has done the program using the drops that you place under your tongue has lost over 40lbs as well..I'm considering trying the drops but I don't know how disciplined I would be taking them 6 times a day..I think I may stick with the shots that I only have to do once every other day! But I will definitely do the program again..and I HIGHLY recommend this to anyone who is ready for a change!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
FINALLY DONE!! 7 WEEKS OF HCG AND 40LBS LOST!!
Well…here I am..and I can’t believe I made it..but WOW how good it feels!
For anyone who has not been following, on June 24, 2009 I started the hcg protocol by Dr. Simeons. I was skeptical but optomistic and I am here now to say that it turned out to be one of the BEST decisions I’ve made in my life! Here are some and ending starting stats and measurements:
June 24, 2009/ August 15, 2009
Weight: 234lbs / 194lbs (I lost 10lbs on my own pre-hcg)
Bust: 48″ / 42.5″ (-5.5″)
Waist: 40″ / 34.5″ (-5.5)
Lower Stomach: 43.5″ / 40″ (-3.5″)
Hips: 50.5″ / 45″ (-4.5″)
Arm: 16″ / 14.5″ (-1/5)
Thigh: 28.5″ / 23.5″ (-5)
Total Weight Loss: 40lbs
Total Inches Lost: 25.5″
In all honesty, I will say that I did not cheat a single bit on this program, I really stuck to it EXCEPT for one day..on my very last day of injections..I caved and had 1/2 of a chicken quesadilla. I noticed that my weight was stable for that day..but the next morning I was up 1 lb..but ..by this time, I was just so happy with my results overall that I didn’t mind the 1 lb gain..and I increased my water the next day and It left =)
So now..the next phase is supposed to be the MOST important for long term weight loss…this is the Phase 3 maintenance program where I’m told to eat as much as I want of anything EXCEPT starches and sugars…so I can FINALLY add back in the dairy that I have missed so badly! I’ve done a low carb diet in the past and survived just fine on it..so I’m not too awfully worried about this..I just need to make sure that I’m getting ENOUGH protein so that I don’t start retaining water and gaining weight due to protein deficiency!
Since I don’t eat eggs or fish, I am going to try adding in a daily protein supplement via shake. I will probably add 2 or 3 of these..but the beauty of the phase three is that you can add things and take them away and by simply watching the scale every day you can tell if it has any adverse affects on you…so these next three weeks will be interesting!
I’m going to try and have my husband take some ‘after’ photos so that I know what I look like after Phase 2. I really wanted to continue the weight loss into Phase 3 by increasing protein and increasing cardio and weight training…kind of, get back into the old swing of things when I used to train regularly..BUT, I’m worried about doing that now..everything that I’ve read says to not try to continue losing in Phase 3..but focus on maintaining…so who knows, I’m sure I’ll probably ‘test’ the waters a little and see what happens =)
For anyone who has not been following, on June 24, 2009 I started the hcg protocol by Dr. Simeons. I was skeptical but optomistic and I am here now to say that it turned out to be one of the BEST decisions I’ve made in my life! Here are some and ending starting stats and measurements:
June 24, 2009/ August 15, 2009
Weight: 234lbs / 194lbs (I lost 10lbs on my own pre-hcg)
Bust: 48″ / 42.5″ (-5.5″)
Waist: 40″ / 34.5″ (-5.5)
Lower Stomach: 43.5″ / 40″ (-3.5″)
Hips: 50.5″ / 45″ (-4.5″)
Arm: 16″ / 14.5″ (-1/5)
Thigh: 28.5″ / 23.5″ (-5)
Total Weight Loss: 40lbs
Total Inches Lost: 25.5″
In all honesty, I will say that I did not cheat a single bit on this program, I really stuck to it EXCEPT for one day..on my very last day of injections..I caved and had 1/2 of a chicken quesadilla. I noticed that my weight was stable for that day..but the next morning I was up 1 lb..but ..by this time, I was just so happy with my results overall that I didn’t mind the 1 lb gain..and I increased my water the next day and It left =)
So now..the next phase is supposed to be the MOST important for long term weight loss…this is the Phase 3 maintenance program where I’m told to eat as much as I want of anything EXCEPT starches and sugars…so I can FINALLY add back in the dairy that I have missed so badly! I’ve done a low carb diet in the past and survived just fine on it..so I’m not too awfully worried about this..I just need to make sure that I’m getting ENOUGH protein so that I don’t start retaining water and gaining weight due to protein deficiency!
Since I don’t eat eggs or fish, I am going to try adding in a daily protein supplement via shake. I will probably add 2 or 3 of these..but the beauty of the phase three is that you can add things and take them away and by simply watching the scale every day you can tell if it has any adverse affects on you…so these next three weeks will be interesting!
I’m going to try and have my husband take some ‘after’ photos so that I know what I look like after Phase 2. I really wanted to continue the weight loss into Phase 3 by increasing protein and increasing cardio and weight training…kind of, get back into the old swing of things when I used to train regularly..BUT, I’m worried about doing that now..everything that I’ve read says to not try to continue losing in Phase 3..but focus on maintaining…so who knows, I’m sure I’ll probably ‘test’ the waters a little and see what happens =)
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Dr.'s visit..
Starting Weight: 233.4
Today's Weight: 207
Total Lost: 26.4
Day #: 24
I went to my monthly checkup at the hcg clinic and they were overjoyed with my progress...I'm not sure what the typical progress is but from their reaction, they were very pleased, which made me happy! My heart rate was a bit elavated from what it was before..but that could be because of the phentermine or because of the fact that I had just weight it and realized how well I was doing..but it was nothing to be TOO concerned about apparently! The nurse did my measurements and I learned that I had lost 14.5 inches..which is soo awesome ..and feels really good too!
Ok..so it just kind of hit me that I’m almost at the end of my first 4 weeks. I started this journey on the hcg protocol a little bit unsure of what would happen and I’ll admit, although I had read hundres of blogs and posts and success stories, I still was a little pessimistic considering the numerous attempts I had made at losing weight..I had a hard time believing that there was something out there that would work this well and i DIDN’T know about it?! But I will say now..without a shadow of a doubt..I AM A BELIEVER! Still in a little shock that it’s actually working exactly like they said it would..but sooo happy!
I set a goal for myself of 30 lbs in 30 days..and i'm now 3.6 pounds away from that goal with 4 days to go..I should have no problem hitting it!! I also got a glimpse at the next phase of dieting called the Maintenance Phase. during the seventh week of the shots, I will take a shot on Mon, Tue and Wed as opposed to MWF...then on Thur , Fri, and Sat, I will stay on the hcg diet..and Sunday....guess what....I get a...CHEAT DAY!!! This was awesome to hear! It gives me something to look forward to =) The next day after the cheat day I have to fast for breakfast and lunch drinking only water, and then have an extra large steak with a tomato for dinner..somehow this makes certain that any weight I gained on Sunday doesn't reset my weight to that number..so moral of that story..if you ever overeat and gain a pound or two over a weekend...try that on Monday to get rid of it! We'll see if it works =)
Apparently, the 3 weeks that follow the hcg injections are very important in order to reset your body's normal weight and metabolic function to your new weight. So, it's going to be a little tricky since I'll have my birthday and my husbands birthday in between there..but I think I'll do fine. Then...after the three weeks of maintenance, if I choose to do another round of hcg I can do that at that time...so we'll see how things go and if I can get down low enough with one round and then get the rest off myself with diet and exercise..although, if my goal was to lose 60lbs...and I've got 30 off with 4 weeks..maybe I could get 20 off in 3...I'd be happy with a 50 lb weight loss! I think I could take it from there...lol
Today's Weight: 207
Total Lost: 26.4
Day #: 24
I went to my monthly checkup at the hcg clinic and they were overjoyed with my progress...I'm not sure what the typical progress is but from their reaction, they were very pleased, which made me happy! My heart rate was a bit elavated from what it was before..but that could be because of the phentermine or because of the fact that I had just weight it and realized how well I was doing..but it was nothing to be TOO concerned about apparently! The nurse did my measurements and I learned that I had lost 14.5 inches..which is soo awesome ..and feels really good too!
Ok..so it just kind of hit me that I’m almost at the end of my first 4 weeks. I started this journey on the hcg protocol a little bit unsure of what would happen and I’ll admit, although I had read hundres of blogs and posts and success stories, I still was a little pessimistic considering the numerous attempts I had made at losing weight..I had a hard time believing that there was something out there that would work this well and i DIDN’T know about it?! But I will say now..without a shadow of a doubt..I AM A BELIEVER! Still in a little shock that it’s actually working exactly like they said it would..but sooo happy!
I set a goal for myself of 30 lbs in 30 days..and i'm now 3.6 pounds away from that goal with 4 days to go..I should have no problem hitting it!! I also got a glimpse at the next phase of dieting called the Maintenance Phase. during the seventh week of the shots, I will take a shot on Mon, Tue and Wed as opposed to MWF...then on Thur , Fri, and Sat, I will stay on the hcg diet..and Sunday....guess what....I get a...CHEAT DAY!!! This was awesome to hear! It gives me something to look forward to =) The next day after the cheat day I have to fast for breakfast and lunch drinking only water, and then have an extra large steak with a tomato for dinner..somehow this makes certain that any weight I gained on Sunday doesn't reset my weight to that number..so moral of that story..if you ever overeat and gain a pound or two over a weekend...try that on Monday to get rid of it! We'll see if it works =)
Apparently, the 3 weeks that follow the hcg injections are very important in order to reset your body's normal weight and metabolic function to your new weight. So, it's going to be a little tricky since I'll have my birthday and my husbands birthday in between there..but I think I'll do fine. Then...after the three weeks of maintenance, if I choose to do another round of hcg I can do that at that time...so we'll see how things go and if I can get down low enough with one round and then get the rest off myself with diet and exercise..although, if my goal was to lose 60lbs...and I've got 30 off with 4 weeks..maybe I could get 20 off in 3...I'd be happy with a 50 lb weight loss! I think I could take it from there...lol
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Day 21
Starting Weight: 233 lbs
Today's Weight: 211 lbs
Total Weight loss: 22 lbs
YAY!!! The plateau has FINALLY broken! I don't know why..but for some reason I really just thought that this whole "plateau " thing would not happen to me?! But, sure enough..just like everything that I've read...it started the Monday of week 3 and lasted until Friday! I stuck to the plan..and I think that's what helped the scale finally move on Friday..but pheww GLAD that's over!
Today has been the hardest day so far to stay on the diet..I will be honest here..finally..after dinner tonight which I had some ground beef and green beans, I broke down and went to the store and bought sugar free popsicles...now, I don't know if that's what I would consider 'cheating' ..BUT, it's not on the approved food list..so take that however you want haha. I did do the research first to find out..'IF" you were going to cheat..what would be the best thing to do it with..and this was the conclusion that I came to. They literally have NOTHING in them except 15 calories..so how bad can it really be?? Guess I'll find out in the morning =(
For some reason..probably because I was bored and just laid around all day watching TV i.e. lazy sunday!, and maybe it was just habit that I was hungry...and I found myself daydreaming about pizza and ice cream and french fries HAHA it was really funny when I realized what I was thinking about HA. I hope it's not like this the whole week...but usually I stay busy all day so I'm sure this was part of it!
I spent quite awhile yesterday just trying on clothes in my closet again..I went down another size..so I'm 'almost' back into a 12!! The 14's are fitting very comfortably..maybe a little loose..so that's VERY exciting!
Oh..and another interesting thing that happened at church this morning...I was sitting there and out of the blue realized..I WAS CROSSING MY LEGS!! I think this may have been the first time in a few years that I've comfortably sat with my legs crossed! Its amazing the little things that being overweight has an impact on =( And there's just something inherently feminine about being able to cross your legs...anyway..it was very cool!
I also started eating a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese as replacement for my lunch 'meat' on occasion..which is usually chicken for lunch and dinner..and I'm afraid I'm getting a little burnt out with the chicken..and I LOVE cottage cheese and really missed having dairy in my diet..so I added this in yesterday and again today and it was great!
So..that's all for now, I'm hoping to stay consistent with the 1lb loss per day..at this pace, I should reach my total goal of 165lbs by my birthday..Sep. 5!!
Today's Weight: 211 lbs
Total Weight loss: 22 lbs
YAY!!! The plateau has FINALLY broken! I don't know why..but for some reason I really just thought that this whole "plateau " thing would not happen to me?! But, sure enough..just like everything that I've read...it started the Monday of week 3 and lasted until Friday! I stuck to the plan..and I think that's what helped the scale finally move on Friday..but pheww GLAD that's over!
Today has been the hardest day so far to stay on the diet..I will be honest here..finally..after dinner tonight which I had some ground beef and green beans, I broke down and went to the store and bought sugar free popsicles...now, I don't know if that's what I would consider 'cheating' ..BUT, it's not on the approved food list..so take that however you want haha. I did do the research first to find out..'IF" you were going to cheat..what would be the best thing to do it with..and this was the conclusion that I came to. They literally have NOTHING in them except 15 calories..so how bad can it really be?? Guess I'll find out in the morning =(
For some reason..probably because I was bored and just laid around all day watching TV i.e. lazy sunday!, and maybe it was just habit that I was hungry...and I found myself daydreaming about pizza and ice cream and french fries HAHA it was really funny when I realized what I was thinking about HA. I hope it's not like this the whole week...but usually I stay busy all day so I'm sure this was part of it!
I spent quite awhile yesterday just trying on clothes in my closet again..I went down another size..so I'm 'almost' back into a 12!! The 14's are fitting very comfortably..maybe a little loose..so that's VERY exciting!
Oh..and another interesting thing that happened at church this morning...I was sitting there and out of the blue realized..I WAS CROSSING MY LEGS!! I think this may have been the first time in a few years that I've comfortably sat with my legs crossed! Its amazing the little things that being overweight has an impact on =( And there's just something inherently feminine about being able to cross your legs...anyway..it was very cool!
I also started eating a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese as replacement for my lunch 'meat' on occasion..which is usually chicken for lunch and dinner..and I'm afraid I'm getting a little burnt out with the chicken..and I LOVE cottage cheese and really missed having dairy in my diet..so I added this in yesterday and again today and it was great!
So..that's all for now, I'm hoping to stay consistent with the 1lb loss per day..at this pace, I should reach my total goal of 165lbs by my birthday..Sep. 5!!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Day 18
Starting Weight: 233 lbs
Today's Weight: 215 lbs
Total Weight loss: 18 lbs
Ok..so, the past week has been a little 'trying'...as you can see, I'm only down 1 lb in the past 4 days! So...it appears that I hit the dreaded.."PLATEAU"...I was afraid of this because everything I read said that it was BOUND to happen! And sure enough...it hit me this week =( Although, I will say that I did have a few additional factors to add in this week...Ovulation, which made me extremely hormonal...and the fact that I prior to this morning, I hadn't had a "BM" in 3 days!! Which again, from what I understand is bound to happen on this program at one time or another.
I cured that issue with the 'ol Sea Salt Water Flush! Yes...the mother of all 'cleanses' is the sea salt water flush. If you've never done this before..proceed with caution! You take 32 oz of water and mix in 2 tsp of SEA Salt..and chug! Tip: make sure that you are within 5-10 steps of a restroom for the next 1-2 hours. This thing works! And it works FAST...actually faster than i could run lol. But..afterwards, I felt great..and I haven't weighed in for the day yet..but I'm pretty sure I've lost a few lbs lol. (I know..TMI!)
So..I'm really hoping that tomorrow I am back on my way and leaving the plateau behind. I've stuck to the program 100% with the exception of having 1 tsp of milk and 2 packets of splenda last week...which i'm not 'supposed' to have..but on the grand scale..I'm hoping that it doesn't do any major damage lol
I'm still not sure about the exercise level. I can't find a consistent result of what the exercise does to me..some days I lose extra weight when I work out..and others I don't...so who knows?! It's amazing now that people are really starting to notice..this is definitely a motivating factor!! Not too mention the new 'old' clothes that I have now..my wardrope literally just doubled in less than a week..now if that isn't exciting I don't what is!?
Husband still isn't being super supportive..one part of me wonders if he is afraid of me getting my shape back and losing the weight? Because..with the way he's been acting lately I just may be singing .." To the left, to the left...everything you own in a box to the left..." HAHA But i'm not going to let that deter me. On Sunday night we were going to have dinner together and I got out my chicken and vegetables..and what did he say? "I'm going to Five Guys Burgers and Fries..be right back.."I was like.."WHAT?!" can't you do that on one of the 5 days that we do NOT eat lunch together or something? But...it all worked out in the end, he drove all the way there to find out that they were closed HAHA (I love Karma!)
So this week also was the first time that I've noticed any sort of hunger..it mainly came in the morning after I had some fruit..which, I noticed that in Dr. Simeon's protocol..we aren't supposed to eat ANYTHING before noon except for some green tea. This is the hardest thing to do..since i'm so used to eating breakfast..and it seems like a long time to wait between 7am and 12noon! But..if that's the way the program works best..then I just have to suck it up and do it..it's only 4 more weeks..how bad can that be?!
So, I don't remember if I've mentioned what my 'mini' goal is or not..but some friends and I are planning on going to the Jimmy Buffett concert on the 11th of August. IRONICALLY, my 7 weeks is up on Aug 8...which means that once i stay on the diet for 3 more days...i will officially be OFF on Aug. 11! Great timing huh?! Well..my plan is..if..excuse me, I mean..WHEN I lose a total of 40lbs by Aug. 10...I'm going to go to the Buffett concert in a grass skirt and a little coconut bra! I've always wanted to do this and judging by how I remember looking at that weight, as long as everything goes back as Dr. Simeons says it will...then I should be able to pull it off! The last time I wore a bikini by the way..was to our 2nd anniversary trip to Puerto Vallarta..which was in June 2006...I was approx. 195 lbs...wearing a size 12 very comfortably..and if I lose another 20lbs to make for a total of 40 lbs lost...I should be right at 195!
One little observation that I will share is that last night I decided to go to the store and instead of buying chicken, I bought a "Laura's Lean" top sirloin..I grilled it..ate it...and was up all night long with horrendous heartburn!! I have no idea if this was the actual steak...or if it was the seasoning that I used..which did have garlic in it. But..I haven't had any kind of heartburn at all since starting the program, so I am very leary of eating any kind of red meat now other than Filet Mignon..maybe the cut that I got had some fat in it..and I didn't realize it?! Anyway..lesson learned!
I wanted to make a 'shout out' to Kristina and my new friend Jenny..who have both started the program on Monday and so far are doing GREAT!! If we all support each other we will be skinny chickies when we're done!!
I will check back in tomorrow and hopefully report that I've broken through the plateau!!
-AV
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Day 13
Starting Weight: 233 lbs
Today's Weight: 216 lbs
Total Weight loss: 17 lbs
So, I can't explain how excited and hopeful I am today...the end of this week my weight loss slowed a little..I only lost .5 lbs on wed. and .4 lbs on thur. But then when I got up this morning and weighed, I had lost 2.3 lbs...which totally made up for it! I just can't believe that I've lost 17 lbs in 13 days..that is truly unbelievable to me.
Here are some exciting things that happened this week: Wore a pair of jeans that I bought 3 years ago..wore once and then gained too much weight to ever wear again. And today, I have on a pair of Victoria Secret "pink" sweatpants that I"ve been dying to wear again..they were my favorite about 3 years ago but I grew out of them rather quickly...and am so excited to be able to wear them again! I am finding myself spending time, just standing in my closet just trying on everything that hasn't fit in over 3 years..it's really a liberating and motivating thing to do!
I also realized that this is the week that people start 'noticing' me again. This whole experience of going from having a great body and getting attention etc.. to gaining so much weight that some people didn't even recognize me has really been hard on the ego and confidence. I think the central theme throughout it has been the question of "is there more to me than just the way I look?" and it's really made me stop and ask myself where my confidence comes from..and I think in the past I got so much attention because of my appearance that I began to rely on that to fuel my self esteem. So, when that goes away..what do you have left? I've noticed over the past 3-4 years that everytime something goes wrong in my life, I've blamed it on the fact that I was overweight..and I've found myself saying " well if I was thin and attractive, that wouldn't have happened" and unfortunately...many of the times that is true. I don't care what anyone says but the fact of the matter is...people get treated differently based upon their appearance. I've experienced it myself many many times. Having gone from thin, to overweight you get an up close and personal glimpse at the true colors and integrity of people. Maybe that was the whole point of my experience, I'm yet to know that at this point. However, I can guarantee that it has changed the way that I view people and interact with them.
While I'm in deep thought here lol, I'd also like to talk about self image. I find it fascinating to watch those programs where girls who are barely 125 lbs get up and talk about how they think of themselves as being 'fat'..and when they look in the mirror they see a 'fat' person. I believe they call this 'body dismorphia'. However, I have never heard an overweight person say that they have the opposite problem..where they don't recognize themselves as being as overweight as they really are. I don't know if I am the only person who has experienced this or not but I will never forget the first photograph that I saw of myself after I had begun gaining weight. It launched me into a pretty deep depression because I had NEVER thought of myself as looking like that. When I saw that photo I literally had to look at it for several seconds before even realizing that I was in the photo. I think my mental image of myself was the way that I had always looked, and I never replaced it with the ACTUAL way that I looked..it was a very hard reality to take. Even now, I struggle with this b/c in my mind, I don't see myself as being overweight..and even thought I've lost a total of 30lbs since March, I feel like I should look 'back to normal'..and I am noticing that my confidence is coming back. However, just yesterday when I passed by a window of a store and saw myself...I realized that I've still got a long way to go...before I'm back to normal. It was almost as if someone took a pin and completely bursted my balloon and I said to myself "ya, your still fat, don't get too excited". Which is a negative thought that I am trying to replace with positive thoughts..but honestly, it was my first thought.
There are some times when I look forward to a day when I don't have to constantly worry about what I look like, or feel uncomfortable in clothes, or live by the scale...and I know that day is alot closer than it was 2 months ago. So this process is not only an exercise in self confidence..but also in PATIENCE!
Today's Weight: 216 lbs
Total Weight loss: 17 lbs
So, I can't explain how excited and hopeful I am today...the end of this week my weight loss slowed a little..I only lost .5 lbs on wed. and .4 lbs on thur. But then when I got up this morning and weighed, I had lost 2.3 lbs...which totally made up for it! I just can't believe that I've lost 17 lbs in 13 days..that is truly unbelievable to me.
Here are some exciting things that happened this week: Wore a pair of jeans that I bought 3 years ago..wore once and then gained too much weight to ever wear again. And today, I have on a pair of Victoria Secret "pink" sweatpants that I"ve been dying to wear again..they were my favorite about 3 years ago but I grew out of them rather quickly...and am so excited to be able to wear them again! I am finding myself spending time, just standing in my closet just trying on everything that hasn't fit in over 3 years..it's really a liberating and motivating thing to do!
I also realized that this is the week that people start 'noticing' me again. This whole experience of going from having a great body and getting attention etc.. to gaining so much weight that some people didn't even recognize me has really been hard on the ego and confidence. I think the central theme throughout it has been the question of "is there more to me than just the way I look?" and it's really made me stop and ask myself where my confidence comes from..and I think in the past I got so much attention because of my appearance that I began to rely on that to fuel my self esteem. So, when that goes away..what do you have left? I've noticed over the past 3-4 years that everytime something goes wrong in my life, I've blamed it on the fact that I was overweight..and I've found myself saying " well if I was thin and attractive, that wouldn't have happened" and unfortunately...many of the times that is true. I don't care what anyone says but the fact of the matter is...people get treated differently based upon their appearance. I've experienced it myself many many times. Having gone from thin, to overweight you get an up close and personal glimpse at the true colors and integrity of people. Maybe that was the whole point of my experience, I'm yet to know that at this point. However, I can guarantee that it has changed the way that I view people and interact with them.
While I'm in deep thought here lol, I'd also like to talk about self image. I find it fascinating to watch those programs where girls who are barely 125 lbs get up and talk about how they think of themselves as being 'fat'..and when they look in the mirror they see a 'fat' person. I believe they call this 'body dismorphia'. However, I have never heard an overweight person say that they have the opposite problem..where they don't recognize themselves as being as overweight as they really are. I don't know if I am the only person who has experienced this or not but I will never forget the first photograph that I saw of myself after I had begun gaining weight. It launched me into a pretty deep depression because I had NEVER thought of myself as looking like that. When I saw that photo I literally had to look at it for several seconds before even realizing that I was in the photo. I think my mental image of myself was the way that I had always looked, and I never replaced it with the ACTUAL way that I looked..it was a very hard reality to take. Even now, I struggle with this b/c in my mind, I don't see myself as being overweight..and even thought I've lost a total of 30lbs since March, I feel like I should look 'back to normal'..and I am noticing that my confidence is coming back. However, just yesterday when I passed by a window of a store and saw myself...I realized that I've still got a long way to go...before I'm back to normal. It was almost as if someone took a pin and completely bursted my balloon and I said to myself "ya, your still fat, don't get too excited". Which is a negative thought that I am trying to replace with positive thoughts..but honestly, it was my first thought.
There are some times when I look forward to a day when I don't have to constantly worry about what I look like, or feel uncomfortable in clothes, or live by the scale...and I know that day is alot closer than it was 2 months ago. So this process is not only an exercise in self confidence..but also in PATIENCE!
Day 9
Starting Weight: 233.4 lbs Today's Weight: 219 lbs Total Weight loss: 14.4 lbs Well...I haven't had a chance to update this since I left last friday for my parents house for the Fourth of July weekend. I was kind of worried about how that would go since this weekend is typically known for partying on the lake and eating and drinking. My mom was really great about supporting me by preparing enough chicken, vegetables and fruit to get me through the weekend so that wasn't a problem. On Friday when I got there she had filet mignon and vegetables ready (I saved my 1 red meat all week for this!) and then came the challenge..my step dad was whipping up margaritas behind the bar meanwhile I sucked down 2 liters of water..fun huh? I got up the next morning and went for a 30 minute run which was great to really clear my head of all of the problems from the previous week and let me just refocus on my priorities. The rest of the day I stayed right on track with my diet and water however, after much internet research on the effects of having alcohol on this diet..I decided to try it myself so I made a Rum and Diet Coke using 1 oz of Bacardi and 1 can of diet coke. The interesting part was that about half way through it I noticed that I was feeling kind of nauseuos and really didn't even feel like finishing it although I can say that the effects WERE much stronger! So that part is true..and not necessarily a bad thing..makes me a pretty cheap date at this point haha. But..after I finished that drink I decided that I really wasn't interested in drinking anymore..and much to my surprise, I got up the next morning and weighed in with a 1 lbs weight loss!! So..no harm..no foul! The weekend went relatively smoothly although I did realize some important things about myself...that most of the calories I consumed in the past were out of habit and boredom. On my 5 hour drive up there and back home, I packed fruit, chicken, carrots and plenty of water (not good for the bathroom stops!!!) so that I wouldn't get hungry. But when my daughter and I stopped at a convenience store and she got a donut and fruit punch..I realized that had I not been on the protocol, I probably would have eaten some sort of unhealthy junk..not too mention the inevitable fast food stop on the way. So..it was a much needed change and a healthy dose of reality. But all in all..I came home 2lbs less for the weekend...and I consider that a SUCCESS!!
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